I don't have a picture of my face afterwards. It's for the better, really. I'd rather not remember how I looked when I admitted that my stomach was calling it a day. It churned and ached near the top of my ribs. It yelled, "what the heck do you think you are doing?! up my esophagus. No upheaval, however...though it might have relieved a bit of the nagging pains.
I'm training for a half ironman race that takes place in just a few weeks. And I'm doing my best to stay focused and motivated. Coordinating help for the kiddos during the necessary training hours is enough to tempt me to throw in the towel. Thank goodness for nana and grandpatty. My boys love being with them so much and I don't worry when I leave them smiling in their arms. Driving an extra two hours to have them well cared for is worth it, even if it ends up taking the entire day to work out.
This whole thing seems crazy right now, and maybe it sort of is. But all the moments in my life when I have been stretched, broken and forced to pick up pieces of myself in places I never would have looked otherwise--they all felt sort of crazy: moving to the islands; Vietnam; 24 credits as a newlywed at BYU Hawaii; cochlear implants; driving home 8 mos prego from South Carolina through a Kansas thunderstorm, etc. They all made me feel like puking at one point or another.
So I sit here writing while peddling my stationary wheel in the basement of my house, and I remind myself that I can find the courage to continue: to push against my doubts, my fears, my time, and my fatigue and my expectations. Some of my life's greatest moments are earned when it feels like I'm going nowhere at all.
2 comments:
You seriously amaze me!! You remind me every day that I can do hard things, even if my "hard things" consist of keeping my crazy life together and not a marathon like you! I just love you and am so proud of you! Hang in there, it will be well worth it in the end! :)
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