Momdom

As I was about to post another signing blog I started thinking about my week and how much my life has changed in the last five and a half months. Scary, really. We went to a pool party today for families in Utah County with deaf or hard of hearing children. It was fun and encouraging to meet families with similar challenges and blessings. As we left I sank into a state of self-reflection as I realized how intrigued I was by a conversation about hearing aids and ear wax removal. I guess that I had no idea my interests were so adaptable. It's neat to have those moments when you recognize how much you are changing.

I bumped into an old friend the other day. He's the kind of person you never forget--not because you dated him or admired him or even because your sister kissed him. He is memorable because I wanted to see the best in him even though I felt the need to lock my door after I talked to him. From our shallow upheaval of a conversation I couldn't tell if much has changed in his life, and probably couldn't tell if we had talked for hours. But I didn't hesitate to reach for the power lock as soon as I got back into my car, even though he could hear the doors click as he stood a foot or two from my window. Perhaps I have learned the difference between niceness and naivety. I hope my teenage daughters are able to distinguish the two faster than I did.

My sister Amber and I went on a late-night excursion to the release of the last vampire novel the other night. I'm not much of a fan, but Amber was prepared to stay up all night reading Meyers' latest. As we took of in her car I was reminded of days in the beep-beep when we would venture into the night to get a drink, wash the entire car with the gas station squeegees, and of course, make our rounds past the Frandsens' and the Fife's homes. Last night we pulled up to the Antique shop right behind a mini-van. Expecting to see another mom hop out, we giggled as a middle-aged man exited the vehicle. It takes all kinds. We played dress-ups with another set of sisters from Salem. I fell in love with a vintage crocheted cocktail dress that I would have bought on a whim five years ago. Amber was ready to buy it for me for my birthday, but without anywhere to wear it that didn't include a Halloween party, I talked her out of it. Our escapade ended with a hug and a laugh as we returned to momdom.

Momdom. What a world full of wonder. I have always wanted to be a mother, and thought I did a fairly good job of preparing myself for this responsibility, challenge and blessing. But there was no way to know before now that you enter a different realm when you become "mom" or "dad." In momdom gravity pulls you toward your baby rather than the ground. You constantly relive moments of your life as you simultaneously capture memories of your baby's firsts. You wonder why you never suspected that love would feel so protective and paranoid. You thank heaven for a husband who says he's attracted to the smell of sour milk. And every hour you wonder how life ever felt meaningful without your little one.
Life is changing me in unexpected ways, and not just because I am interested in hearing aids and ear wax. The transition to momdom has been both harder and easier than I expected. I'm not the mother I always imagined being, but I think I'm becoming the mother I need to be for my child and future children.